I’m wearing this smile today

I have this smile today.

I have this smile today
It looks very similar to my other smile
Most people can’t tell the difference
But my other smile is real and this one. .well it’s just the mask i put on this morning
I use it to smile and say good morning to whoever i meet
And my answer is always “yes good thanks, you? ”

But inside tells a different story
Really my heart got broken again this morning
As I watched my autistic son struggling
Struggling with things that most take for granted
Brushing teeth
Having clothes on
a noise outside
As I cleaned up the result of last night’s failed nappy
Pains in his leg’s

I just wanted to hold him
Tell him I’m there
That I love him with everything that i am
But he backs away from me with a pained look on his face
His body can’t bare to be touched

That was the moment my heart broke

I know later in a blink of an eye
He will be smiling again
That he will squeeze me so tight

I know later that my mask will be off
I won’t need that

But for now my mask is on
And my thoughts are only of my son
Me in limbo waiting for school to be over



One Comment Add yours

  1. Aimee says:

    Bless you so tough keep on loving. Xx


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