Why is it so hard to admit I’m burnt out? !

Why is it so hard to admit I’m burnt out?

Why is it so hard to admit I’m at breaking point?

I smile and chat to people, I manage to capture happy moments in a photo, but these moments are becoming fewer.
I share people’s joy and feel pleased for them. But inside is a different world.

I absorb the good times, holding onto them , like a candle in a power cut.

Why is it so hard to admit I’m burnt out?

I’m a carer, my son is non verbal, severely autistic with profound learning difficulties.
Two years ago my son was described as the little boy that layed on the floor, who would kick and scream if anyone went near him.

Life was explosive meltdowns, self-harming, frustrations and tears. I was falling and alone, I didn’t know where to turn, until I eventually phoned our local authority in tears “can I apply for some respite please , I’m so tired, I’m not strong enough ”

A very wise person told me that I am strong enough, and I can do it because I am doing it!

We started receiving respite early last year, just a few hours here and there. It helped me rest my mind and get my confidence back, while my son loved his little outings . The meltdowns, self-harming and tears still happened but they became less.
My son’s smile grew and so did mine.

Now a year on, it’s changing again. ..

Regression!

My son is about to turn 10, he’s a strong tall lad.
The meltdowns are growing, becoming even more explosive. I’m covered in bruises and bite marks, my son’s head is bruised from self-harming. . Living on the edge as I wait for the sound he makes as another meltdown consumes himimg_20160831_153037. .
School holiday time is drawing to an end, autism has beaten us black and blue. ..

And I’m falling again. .

I smile and wave as the fragile scaffolding holding me up blows in the storm. .

Why is it so hard to admit I’m burnt out?

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Ordinary Hopes says:

    It is hard to admit that we are exhausted, because we see it as a mum-failure. It isn’t. We need to remember that we are more than mums to our children. x

    Like

    1. You’re right, we push and push ourselves, but we need to remember that what we do goes beyond mum duties.
      Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nadine says:

    Sending hugs, you’re working tirelessly in incredibly challenging circumstances. I hope you get some help and rest x

    Like

  3. RaisieBay says:

    It’s so tough to admit that it’s hard being a parent sometimes. You need time out yourself, even if it’s just a little time, a chance to charge your batteries for the next round. As a parent of an adult I can tell you that there are times when things get tougher but it does settle down again. Big hugs x

    Like

    1. Giving ourselves time is certainly something we learn to do as we go along. It ends up being an essential (when we get a chance ) .

      Like

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